And so it goes

Life...
That's the answer.
You know, the answer to why I haven't posted anything in a long time. Life.

Amazing how it's a thing that just keeps going despite our best laid plans. It happens and it's ever changing and complicated and screwed up and all over the place. For you that think you have control over it, you don't.

Oh I'm sorry did I bust your bubble..? Well suck it up Buttercup. It is only settled for a minute. It will change. Control is an illusion. Yep, that's right... There is no spoon. ;-P

Control... funny thing about that.
We think we want it and yet we give it up so easily.
Road rage... control given up. Being pissed off at other shoppers at the local market. Oh admit it, we've all been about to rage out over someone being stupid in the checkout aisle ("C'mon lady just put back the 6 pack of Red Bull and those cigs and you could pay for the milk and food you and your kids need!"), yes we all are there weekly if not daily.
Control. Why do we think we need so much of it when all we do is give it away?

A friend of mine illustrated this point so clearly this morning. She texts me saying how her lover (don't ask, it's complicated) wasn't answering her texts or calls. This was after last night she swore she wasn't going to call or text him. So several texts and two phone calls alter in a matter of a couple of hours she texts me saying she's desperate and going crazy. No control over the situation compounded with loss of control over herself left her in such an insane state of mind she was losing it.

You may laugh or shake your head, but we've all been there. We just like to conveniently forget or push that little memory deep down because we are ashamed of it. Control. It's all about control again. Controlling our memories and how we are perceived to ourselves as well as anyone else. Control. It's such an elusive concept.

So now, how exactly does this seeming random tangent about control even remotely relate to my initial statement about me being absent because of life? Well if you have to ask that question then you weren't really paying attention now were we? :-P  

This is me... living and learning that the only real control I have is of me, not my life but of my person/mind. Which means it's me coming back. 
Be afraid, be very afraid... O.o