Insomnia is a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep. People with insomnia have one or more of the following symptoms:
Yeah yeah yeah internet, like we really need a list of those. Seriously...
Okay so admit it... we've all be here at some point (or many many points) in our lives. And boy does it SUCK big time! right now I have a sexy, warm, yummy, sleeping boyfriend in my bed and I am sitting in the dark with my trusty laptop typing out a blog. Can we say insomnia for the... um... fail?
The really crappy part is I LOVE sleeping with my before mentioned boyfriend... but when I am laying there wide awake listening to him and the dog sleeping soundly in her bed at the bottom of ours; well I find my inability to sleep just grows and my mind opens even more tabs until I am ready to just scream!! And yes I did just liken my ever active mind to a computer. It goes back to the statement you can find all over the internet about women's mind always having 10,000 tabs or so open at all times. It's like that only worse because then I am desperately trying to close them creating anxiety.
Ooooh, now that's a fun word. Anxiety. Then we add it to insomnia... yes yes, together those are head clunking to the table inspiring words. Especially at 2 am. It's just me... and of course the cats. They always try to help be bringing me their toys so I can play with them. After all I am awake. And there you go, the third thing that happens. SQUIRREL!! Yes, short attention spans. We'll get back to that (maybe if the train of thought doesn't derail). So where were we? Oh yes, the head clunking words... Anxiety and insomnia They, like insomnia suck.
I think they are like the big loud annoying relatives you hate to see. How you ask? They are unavoidable at some point, You wish they would go away. They invade your space. They make you feel bad. And nobody really wants to deal with them. Unfortunately, just like those relatives, they are ap part of your life at some point(s) for the rest of your life. Yippee fucking skippee.
No wait.. no need to break out the straight razor and hot tub of water. They don't constantly stay in your face. They come and go (much like family). And there's the flip side. when they aren't there you can REALLY enjoy those nights of deep, sound sleep. The ones that you wake up from and yawn and stretch and can't help but smile a little because you are refreshed and renewed.
Well at least on days off from work or school when you have to get up early. But I mean even on those days there's a little extra spring in your step. On your days off, those are the days you usually sleep in a little and then languidly enjoy your morning and then accomplish a few things on your "To do" list. Then are always happy to slip back in between those sheets again.
Unless of course for some irrational reason the actual act of getting in bed rouses those feelings that lead to insomnia. Yes, I am serious. No, it's not because I'm afraid of the dark or have nightmares. I think it's more of being afraid to having insomnia. What? I never said I wasn't kind of screwed up... Luckily we all are so it's okay. Really, it's OH-KAY. Besides, you know you kinda like falling down this particular rabbit hole. Well with this particular "Alice" anyways... I'm so much more muchier than she is ya know.
Oye vey... yes I know I'm all over the place tonight. Did I mention the insomnia? Yeah it kinda works like that. I think that's why so many artists are insomniacs. We feed off the chaos our minds fall into and use it for inspiration!! Unfettered like this might be hard to follow. You have to treat it like progressive jazz, there's no real rhythm you just simply go with it. Although it's odd me saying that when I am anything but a fan of that. I'm more of a soft jazz fan. LOL!
And so with that all you hep cats and dolls... I think I will try to find some peace and sleep before my boyfriend wakes up, worries and comes looking for me (he has to get up early for work). So sweet dreams and sleep well world!
Life...
That's the answer.
You know, the answer to why I haven't posted anything in a long time. Life.
Amazing how it's a thing that just keeps going despite our best laid plans. It happens and it's ever changing and complicated and screwed up and all over the place. For you that think you have control over it, you don't.
Oh I'm sorry did I bust your bubble..? Well suck it up Buttercup. It is only settled for a minute. It will change. Control is an illusion. Yep, that's right... There is no spoon. ;-P
Control... funny thing about that.
We think we want it and yet we give it up so easily.
Road rage... control given up. Being pissed off at other shoppers at the local market. Oh admit it, we've all been about to rage out over someone being stupid in the checkout aisle ("C'mon lady just put back the 6 pack of Red Bull and those cigs and you could pay for the milk and food you and your kids need!"), yes we all are there weekly if not daily.
Control. Why do we think we need so much of it when all we do is give it away?
A friend of mine illustrated this point so clearly this morning. She texts me saying how her lover (don't ask, it's complicated) wasn't answering her texts or calls. This was after last night she swore she wasn't going to call or text him. So several texts and two phone calls alter in a matter of a couple of hours she texts me saying she's desperate and going crazy. No control over the situation compounded with loss of control over herself left her in such an insane state of mind she was losing it.
You may laugh or shake your head, but we've all been there. We just like to conveniently forget or push that little memory deep down because we are ashamed of it. Control. It's all about control again. Controlling our memories and how we are perceived to ourselves as well as anyone else. Control. It's such an elusive concept.
So now, how exactly does this seeming random tangent about control even remotely relate to my initial statement about me being absent because of life? Well if you have to ask that question then you weren't really paying attention now were we? :-P
This is me... living and learning that the only real control I have is of me, not my life but of my person/mind. Which means it's me coming back.
Be afraid, be very afraid... O.o
In honor of the victory of the
Fem Fa'Tau and their allies of convenience Da Long Wayz
Dezert Groop over the The Ulthwe Craftworld Eldar (Eldars
not in alliance with The Greater Good) I thought I would explain how
the alliance came to be and how victory was celebrated.
This is
NOT safe for work or kids and it really is RATED
(a solid) X.
So you are officially forewarned.
And yes, this IS based on
actual events.
TU'ORKING IT...
(courtesy of Google Images picture found here)
Chi'anah sighed as she slipped
her armor off... running her hands over her silky pale blue skin.
She stood naked in front of the mirror. She slid her hands down and
cupped her breasts. They overflowed her hands and she nodded
approvingly as she rolled her hard nipples between her fingers. One
hand slid lower and traced lightly between her thighs. It was time...
Chi'anah was the Cadre Fireblade
for the Fem Fa'Tau. They were the most unique Tau Army. All female
and all highly trained warriors who were feared and admired by The
Greater Good. The Commander Cle'opatre and her bodyguard M'ta Hari
were not only renowned for their unparallelled fighting ability but
also for their highly erotic seductive skills in negotiation.
She took the metallic satin dress
from the rack. Sliding down her body it contoured to her accentuating
her ample breasts and curves. The slits up each side were to the
waist to expose as much as it covered. The intel for her new
alliance ran thru her head.
She had a small force on this
planet but not enough to take out the Eldar army that had invaded.
Luckily... well luckily of a sort,,, some allies of convenience had
appeared. The Orcs. In this case it was lucky as it was Da Masta
Cheef and Da Long Wayz Dezert Groop. Cheef was among of the “higher
Orcs”. Or Higher as the Tau were concerned. He was of intelligence
enough to negotiate with. He usually was all about the bounty and
spoils of the battles so it was generally easy to manipulate him in
that regard. However his price for this campaign seemed to be higher.
Intel had also revealed he was
indeed fully anatomically male and physically compatible... thus
Chi'anah had her negotiation tactic in mind. She could feel the flush
begin to run thru her body... much like the anticipation of battle..
this negotiation / transaction should be as gratifying.
She made her way to the Orc
makeshift city and was roughly escorted to Da Masta Cheef's makeshift
quarters in run down old building. She showed enough strength to make
sure she made an appropriate impression as a warrior but not enough
to get her killed. Orcs were so less predictable than the Slaneesh
Warriors but similar in their tactics, and since she had dealings
with both in the past she knew how to handle this situation.
As she fell to her hands and
knees to keep from face planting on the floor of Cheef's quarters,
she heard the guttural voice of Da Masta Cheef bark out orders to be
left alone with the “bluie gurl”. Her Orc was rough but passable
in speak and she could understand most spoken words (luckily those
were few). Still on her hands and knees she suggestively looked up
and flipped her ponytail out of her face. Optimizing the view of her
highly exposed cleavage. He looked leeringly at her. She smiled with
the “gotcha” thought in her mind, She snaked a little closer
still on all fours making sure she swayed in all the right ways.
Cheef licked his lips approvingly.
She made it to his feet where she
pulled up to her knees between Cheef's well muscled thighs as she
placed her hands right above his knees. She looked up and one strap
fell off her shoulder exposing her breast almost to the nipple, she
leaned closer so her tits brushed to the inside of his thighs. In a
hoarse guttural Ork she purred her acknowledgments of Cheef's
greatness and offered her respects. Asking what his terms were of his
help in helping the Tau push the unwanted Eldar off planet. The basic
terms were already there. Any and all salvage from the fallen Eldar
plus any bounty, etc. He knew any fallen Fem Fa'tau were off limits.
She was very aware of his
anatomy. She could see that “big shoota” wasn't just battlefield
weapon. As she leaned a little closer so that her breasts brushed his
hardening cock. His hand grabbed her ponytail and pulled her head
back. She opened her pouty lips and let her tongue softly slide over
her bottom lip. The dress strap fell further exposing her breast and
hard nipple. Her hand slid up his leg and over the loin cloth. She
couldn't help but shiver slightly as she felt just how anatomically
correct he really was. He growled and pulled her closer.
Crawling up his almost 7 foot
frame onto his lap she sealed the deal with some grinding in a very
teasing way while Cheef's tongue and hands explored what they could.
It seems he wanted a few working Tau weapons and all of herself. It
was more than acceptable for The Greater Good. Both were to be
presented at the end of the battle.
Day of battle dawned. The Orks
are on fire... as is their leader. Defense and offense the Orks prove
themselves as d0 the grots manning the long range firepower. The
Eldar are being defeated, wounds and casualties aplenty. The Tau are
providing the cover fire and excellent marksmanship and drones for
distraction. There is a hasty retreat as the Eldar leave the planet
and the Orks reap the rewards of their victory.
With the bloodthirsty battle
blood-lust still pumping wildly through my veins I sought out Da
Masta Cheef. He was not hard to find, blood spattered and belting out
the victory “WAAAAAAAAAUGH” leading his orks to a fevered pitch
of salvage and celebration.
It was a heady mix of violence
and sexual desire as she whirled onto his battle wagon. Lurching
around in the back of the trukk the sheer lust between Cheef and Chi
was combustible. Grabbing her and picking her up pushing her against
the back of the truck cab as he rips off her armor. Her hands are
free only enough to find his knife and cut thru the leather straps of
his armor. He has her pinned hard. She has her legs wrapped around
his waist. She can feel his own excitement as he presses his
throbbing cock against her and he roughly tears her undergarments
off. Her hand finds it's way to his hardness and begins to stroke him
as his tongue finds its way down her neck and exposed tits. The trukk
stops rough enough to toss them off balance onto the trukk bed.
Stumbling they manage to get from the trukk to his quarters. Chi is
half carried, half drug to the pile of furs and pelts on the floor
that is the bed. Both are completely naked and both still caught up
in sheer unadulterated lust.
She manages to wrestle him down
and as she bites and rakes her nails over his naked torso. She
catches his nipple ring between her teeth and pulls as she runs her
hand back down his body. She takes control by stroking him as she
keeps biting and scratching her way down, following her hand. Her
swollen lips wrap around his rock hard cock and takes him deep in her
hot, wet mouth.
He growls hard and loud as he
grabs her ponytail again, taking control of her rhythm. Using her
hands and mouth... sliding her lips wantonly up and down his shaft...
she sucks ,licks and massages with wild rough abandon. He pushes his
hips up and deeper into her mouth. She pulls back alittle not sure
how long or many times he can go. But he holds her fast. His guttural
growls reverberate off the makeshift walls as he explodes. Hot creamy
streams filling her mouth. Chi, as expected, is ready and willing to
take everything and more.
He grabs her up and tosses her on
back. She's dizzy with such insane lust and need she is eager to do
anything. He pulls her hips up to him as his strong thick tongue slid
between her thighs and down her very wet slit. She arches her back as
he dives deeper. Exploring her with a fierceness that borders on
violent. She could feel her body beginning to quiver as he thrusts
his tongue deeper and harder. She can feel her body explode as she
cums hard in his mouth. Licking and sucking her hot juices he grins
and laughs as he has the mighty Fem Fa'tau quivering and crying out
for him. The power trip only feeds his lust... and hers!
When he pulls her down to suck
him again she can taste his hot precum again oozing out of the tip of
his still swollen cock. That sets her blood on fire again. She licks
and sucks... then bites his inner thigh as she scratches and digs her
nails into his tough ork flesh. He groans again and pulls her up by
her hair and pushes her to all fours. Grabbing onto her hips he
pushes inside of her. She screams a guttural cry that even has the
orks outside yelling back as she bucks and grinds into him. He pushes
deeper inside of her. stretching her. With each thrust she is taken
to a new level of pleasure and pain as he grabs and slaps her ass
while filling her with his throbbing organ again and again. She has
already hit ecstasy twice and she can feel her juices coating them
both and even running down her thighs. He pushes deeper inside and
grabs her tits as he pinches the nipples, grunting as he grinds
harder and deeper.
She pulls away and wrestles him
to his back. She straddles him and takes him back inside her. She
rides him harder than a prize war steed. He take hold her hips and
thrusts with her as she rides him hard. His guttural roar starts just
as she begins her own cry yet again. His orgasm pushing her over the
edge. The shared explosions felt like the shock waves from a burst
cannon. She can't help but ride the aftershocks or ecstasy. Both
quivering and panting, sated completely for the moment. His hands
leaving darker marks and scratches on her naked body.
She lingers there catching her
breath and gathering herself control. She can feel him still hard
inside her. She finally slides off him as he stretches languidly
seeming to relishing in the sweat and sex that covers them both like
a heady perfume. He soon falls into a sleep stupor as the afterglow
takes over the violent blood/sex lust.
Chi'anah slips quietly out of the
furs with a quick check to make sure there was no major bleeding from
the multitude of scratches and welts. She grabs enough clothes to
cover herself and slips out of the building thru a partially
destroyed wall in the back. She signals her second in command and
waits quietly in cover for her ticket back to camp. Not wanting to
make any kind of noise... better to allow sleeping giants lay.
